1) Can women (wife, daughter, nieces, aunties) visit the grave?
2) Are our cousin brothers (late father’s nephews), those who are married, allowed to see my mum? Will it matter if my cousin brothers are married or not?
3) Can our unmarried nephew from dad’s side see our mum? He’s our late dad’s nephew’s son. In our culture, this boy would be classified as my mother’s grandson, even though he is not her blood. 
4) Can we place flowers or trees on the grave?


الجواب حامدا ومصليا ومسلما

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Your specific queries are addressed in order below:
1) In principle, it is not advisable for women to visit the graveyard frequently. Nonetheless, according to the preferred view, it is permissible (although discouraged) for women to visit the graveyard occasionally, with the purpose of reflection subject to certain conditions. For more details on these conditions, you may refer to our earlier answer here. It must be noted that the wife of the deceased (your mother), will be in Iddah (waiting period) for 130 days (4 months and 10 days), if she is not pregnant. Thus, during this period, she must remain in the confines of her home. [1]

2, 3) First and foremost, before addressing your specific queries, it is appropriate to outline an important point, which is often neglected: In many cultures, the widow in Iddah (waiting period) is completely alienated and isolated. Often, due to misconceptions and a lack of understanding, in such circumstances, many relatives stop visiting, including those that would frequently visit whilst the husband was alive. This can then lead to other inherent issues such as the widow feeling isolated and depressed. In essence, Islam encourages keeping noble ties with one’s family and relatives, especially in difficult times.

Thus, it must be noted that neither the Iddah (Waiting period) of the woman nor the factor of whether these nephews or their sons are married, will have any bearing on the following ruling. Rather, on such sensitive occasions, a little flexibility, emotional intelligence and common sense should be exercised, whilst maintaining modesty and dignity. Finally, it must be emphasised that the concept of Hijab/Purdah (concealing the face) is completely different to that of the Iddah. Purdah is not restricted to the iddah and accordingly, a woman is required to maintain Purdah from Non-Mahrams, including concealing the parts of the body that need to be concealed, regardless of whether she is in Iddah or not.

Thereafter, we address your specific queries: In principle, if they are your paternal cousin-brothers ie. your late father’s nephews, neither they nor their sons will be be regarded as Mahrams (unmarriageable kin) for your mother. Nonetheless, as per the factors outlined above, the balanced approach that should be adopted on such sensitive occasions is that: if prior to the demise of your father, these nephews and their sons would frequently visit, then, they may continue to do so. [2]

4) Placing flowers and trees on the grave is not established from the Prophetic life and thus, should be avoided. Rather, it is more beneficial for the deceased to give this money in charity with the intention of isaal-e-thawab (sending the reward to the deceased etc). [3]

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best.
Mubasshir Talha
2 Rajab 1442 / 14 February 2021

Concurred by:

Approved by:
Mufti Tahir Wadee | Mufti Yusuf Ilolvi
[To see their profiles, click here]

Note: This fatwa is only to be viewed with the question asked. In the event of presenting this to a third party, please ensure it is coupled with the original question, as well as the references below for Islamic Scholars.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this answer belong only to: the author, any concurring Ulama’ and the senior approving Muftis – they do not in any way represent or reflect the views of any institutions to which he may be affiliated.

Arguments and ideas propounded in this answer are based on the juristic interpretations and reasoning of the author. Given that many juristic issues and their interpretations are subjective in nature, another Mufti may reach different conclusions to the one expressed by the author. Whilst every effort has been taken to ensure total accuracy and soundness from a Shari’ah perspective, the author is open to any correction or juristic guidance. In the event of any juristic shortcomings, the author will retract any or all of the conclusions expressed within this answer.

The Shari’ah ruling given herein is based specifically on the scenario in question.  The author bears no responsibility towards any party that acts or does not act on this answer and is exempted from any and all forms of loss or damage.  This answer may not be used as evidence in any court of law without prior written consent from the author.  Consideration is only given and is restricted to the specific links provided, the author does not endorse nor approve of any other content the website may contain.


وعدة الحرة في الوفاة أربعة أشهر وعشر
[al-Hidāyah, 2/275, Dār al-Fikr]

وعدة الحرة في الوفاة أربعة أشهر وعشر) أي عدة المرأة الحرة التي مات عنها زوجها أربعة أشهر وعشرة أيام)
[al-Bināyah, 5/598, DKI]

قال: قوله وتعتدان في بيت وجبت فيه إلا أن تخرج أو ينهدم) أي معتدة الطلاق والموت يعتدان في المنزل المضاف إليهما بالسكنى وقت الطلاق والموت ولا يخرجان منه إلا لضرورة
[al-Bahr al-Ra’iq, 4/259, DKI]

وبقي منع الخروج في الأربعة الأشهر والعشر
[Sharh Mukhtasar al-Tahawi, 5/239, Dār al-Sirāj]

حرمت علیکم امهٰتکم وبناتکم واخوٰتکم وعمٰتکم وخٰلٰتکم وبنات الاخ وبنات الاخت وامهٰتکم الٰتیۤ ارضعنکم واخوٰتکم من الرضٰعة وامهٰت نسآئکم وربٰٓئبکم الٰتی فی حجورکم من نسآئکم الٰتی دخلتم بهن فان لم تکونوا دخلتم بهن فلا جناح علیکم ۫ وحلآئل ابنآئکم الذین من اصلابکم ۙ و ان تجمعوا بین الاختین الا ما قد سلف ان اللٰه کان غفورا رحیما
[Surah al-Nisa’, ‘Ayah 23]

محرمات من النساء فقال أسباب حرمة النساء ثلاثة النسب والصهر والرضاع والمحرمات بالنسب سبعة، وذلك يتلى في قوله تعالى {حرمت عليكم أمهاتكم} [النساء: 23] إلى قوله تعالى {وبنات الأخت} [النساء: 23]
[al-Mabsut, 30/287, Dār al-Ma’rifah]

ولأن ذلك من باب الزينة، ولا حاجة بالميت إليها؛ ولأنه تضييع المال بلا فائدة، فكان مكروها
[al-Bada’I al-Sana’I, al-Kāsāni (d.587h), 2/358, DKI]

أما إلقاء الرياحين على القبور، قلت: وصرح العيني أنه لغو وعبث. وقال العيني رحمه الله تعالى: إن إلقاء الرياحين ليس بشيء، قلت: والاعتماد على ما ذكره العيني
[al-Faydh al-Bāri, 1/411, DKI]

اتفق الخطابي والطرطوشي والقاضي عياض على المنع، وقولهم أولى بالاتباع حيث أصبح مثل تلك المسامحات والتعللات مثارا للبدع المنكرة والفتن السائرة، فترى العامة يلقون الزهور على القبور، وبالأخص على قبور الأولياء الصلحاء والأولياء، والجهلة منهم ازدادوا إصرارا على ذلك وتغالوا فيه، وأوضحت ذلك منشأ في الجهلة لعقائد فاسدة تأباها الشريعة النقية، وظنوا ذلك سببا للثواب والأجر الجزيل، فالمصلحة العامة في الشريعة تقتضي منع صلك بتاتا استئصالا لشأفة البدع وحسما لمادة المنكرات المحدثة، وبالجملة هذه بدعة مشرقية منكرة
[al-Ma’arif al-Sunan, 1/265 – Ashrafiyyah, Deoband]

إيقاع السبب بمنزلة إيقاع المسبب، قصد ذلك المسبب أو لا
[Al-Muwāfaqāt, 1/335, Dar al-Affan]

اس کا فعل عوام کے لۓ موجب فساد ہوتا ہے، اس لۓ اس کے لۓ بھی منہی عنہ ہے۔
[Imdād al-Fatawa, 11/497, Nu’māniyyah Jadīd]
 پھول ڈالنے کی رسم بدعت ہے، شریعت میں اسکا کوئی ثبوت نہیں
[Ahsanul Fatāwa, 1/374, HM Saeed]

اگر حقیقت میں حدیث پر عمل ہی کرنا ہے تو کوئی سبز ٹہنی قبر پر گاڑنا چاہئے جیسا کہ دفناتے وقت تازہ شاخ گاڑی جاتی ہے، اس کو پھولوں کے ساتھ ہی کیوں خاص کردیا گیا؟ ٹہنی بآسانی اور مفت میسر ہوسکتی ہے۔ پھولوں کو تو خریدنا پڑے گا، اگر یہی پیسے ایصال ثواب کی نیت سے غریب کو دیدئے جاہیں تو مردہ کو زیادہ فائدہ پہنچنے کی امید ہے، معلوم ہوتا ہے کہ پھول یا تو تقرب میت کی نیت سے چڑھائے جاتے ہیں جس کا ناجائز اور حرام ہونا ظاہر ہے یا صرف رسما جس میں اضاعت مال اور تشبہ بالہنود ہے
[Fatawa Rahīmiyyah, 2/215, Dar al-Isha’at]